“Memory is the power to gather roses in winter.”
Anonymous, cited on a Mary Engelbreit card
Every day I see photo memories of that day stored in the cloud. This month it’s been the winter sojourn to Andalusia as COVID was nipping at our heels. Cross country skiing during cold COVID days. Walking Annie, both of us bundled in winter coats. Starting last week, it was the first days of my solo, midlife gap-year, three-month trip to Europe, now fourteen years ago. Photos of Bologna, Italy, my first exploration into a country I knew I’d love, but had little idea then how much. Like an dear friend I can’t wait to see again, I visited various regions of Italy three times during those three months, and five times since – Emila Romagna, Veneto, Lombardy, Liguria, Tuscany, Umbria, Lazio, Sicily, Puglia, Basilicata, Campagnia.
A year ago, inspired by a heart-to-heart conversation with my husband where I invited us to both reflect on the dreams we had yet to realize, and what and how we could help each other do so in the time we had left, I was struck with the idea of returning to Italy for an extended period. I’d come to the realization that my big dream of living there was highly unlikely for many reasons. But what might it mean to adjust to the 90-day limit for visiting Canadians?
And so I began bringing shape to my dream. Drawing on the lustrous threads from that first-ever visit, I planned to depart this year, mid-February, and return mid-May. I’d live in Florence, where I found the perfect apartment in the market and cafe-rich neighborhood I’d first visited in 2023. Bright with lots of natural light, a soaker tub, well-equipped kitchen and spacious bedroom, and a lovely, English-speaking ex-pat host, I made the deposit. Too, I’d return to Venice during Carnevale, pulling through that golden thread. I made deposit on the Zen-like apartment in a glorious treed residential area, a bit beyond the Castello neighborhood I’d first visited that first time.
Sitting with it, looking at dates, wanting to be in Italy during Easter, I modified the original three-month plan to become “70 Days for 70 Years,” a celebration of my upcoming decade crossing birthday. Catchy, the container for some writing, my dream coming to life glowed. Curiously, I kept putting off booking my flights.
Sitting with it a few more months, after a wonderful trip to Mexico for last year’s birthday, and the arrival of our wonderful Walker, I came to know I didn’t want to be away that long from my life here – with Sig, with Walker, in our home, in my community. Yes, I could have modified it, but that wasn’t the answer. I simply knew I simply needed not to go, now.
This past week, seeing those fourteen-year-old photos of Bologna, and of Venice during Carnevale – which really was an unexpected stroke of good fortune to be there then – and knowing if I had made that dream my reality, right now I’d be in my apartment in Florence. I’d be packing my overnight bag to head out on the train to Venice.
More wistful than sad or disappointed, I feel deep peace knowing I’d once again heeded my intuition. I’d picked my own bouquet of fragrant winter roses and was content with that.
Much love and kindest regards, dear friends.
Share this:
A Wabi Sabi Life 
Ah, Katharine, thank you for sharing your inner journey decision making with us. It is sweet, thoughtful, and wise. Crossing the threshold into the 70s does not end adventures if you are lucky enough to be healthy and have resources, but it tips us towards realizing the beauty of home. And in the world’s instability right now that seems a wise decision. Blessings, Ann
>
LikeLike
Who would have known last spring the mess of it all now? Yes, it was a wise choice. Thank you for the affirmation, Ann.
LikeLike
interesting Katharine, because I have found myself feeling the same tugs of wanting to “see, experience” more of the world but not taking that next step because of being content with my familiar routines and time spent with Dennis and managing our routines together with the farm, Molli, our remaining horse Annie and sojourns to Chilliwack. This post really expressed thoughts, emotions that have been mulling round in my head this past month – thank-you for putting those thoughts into such eloquent prose.
LikeLike
And thank you, Susan, for yours.
LikeLike
How lovely to know yourself well enough to truly listen to the many voices that live within you. To give each the time and space to be with them as they offer you the simple awareness of what this moment of time invites or steps away from. How complex we are as humans……the power in dreaming, the joy in possibility and the deep peace in accepting what is now. I admire your inner wisdom and even more so your responsiveness to your intuition.
LikeLike
Thank you.
LikeLike
This made me a little teary. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it all sounds so dreamy and I will never see Italy (or any other place in Europe). Maybe because I understand this “bucket list” adjusting in the Third Act, and I know it doesn’t feel like the loss some may hear in your words. There is something very settling and beautiful to let strenuous adventuring dreams float off and to be content with the adventures close to home. It’s freeing, in a way. (Canada is not so far from me; does not require air travel. Perhaps I should plan a trip!) Hugs. G
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Gretchen,
Despite not being partial to the phrase “bucket list,” (I wrote a poem saying a bit about why…similar to my disdain with “foodie”), I appreciate your framing of this shift…”adjusting in the Third Act.” Maybe because I continue to hold the dream in my palm (depicted in my photo from Venice) I don’t feel its loss. But knowing how life can change on a dime, for so many inexplicable reasons, perhaps that will come. For now, a practice in letting go, so much the necessary way of being in our “eldering landscape.” Thanks for taking a moment, and letting me know how this landed for you. And I have a guest room…Much love, Katharine
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never used the “bucket list” term to apply to myself either. I have fantasies and dreams, but they are always changing, evolving. Usually the list is made after I’ve done a thing. “Oh, wasn’t that a good idea that I never thought of doing before!” I just might reserve that guest room some day!
LikeLike